February 8 – Clarity

Since I’ve started on the path toward recovery from my workaholism, I have certainly gotten clearer on my personal goals. I dedicate more time to deepening my relationships with friends and family, to cultivating my hobbies, and most importantly, to caring for myself and my needs. I am more motivated than I’ve been in years. Clarity on what really matters in life is a great feeling, and it’s one that I haven’t had in a long time.

blue sky clear sky cold fog
Photo by Bri Schneiter on Pexels.com

On the topic of clarity, Anne Wilson Schaef writes:

When we begin our recovery from our addictive doing-too-much, we may have little or no experience of what clarity or sobriety from our addictive behavior is like. We have muddled around so long in these addictive thinking patterns and behaviors that they almost seem normal to us. The last time we experienced clarity may well have been when we were children.

After we have admitted our powerlessness over our addictive, compulsive work behavior, and after we have begun working the program for a while, we may suddenly have a moment of clarity. It surges through our consciousness like a meteor and scares us to death. Yet we sense that whatever we experienced is of extraordinary importance. It is like a lullaby sung long ago. The words are faint, and the melody reverberates in our being.”

My addictive, compulsive behaviors have indeed left me feeling quite muddled. While I’m feeling clearer on what truly matters to me and my goals for my life, I don’t recognize that I’ve had that lightning strike sensation of a total moment of clarity yet. I am early in my journey toward recovery, however, so I am confident that moment will come eventually so long as I continue the work I have been doing. It’s been entirely too long since I’ve simply just enjoyed life. I think the last time my friends and family were a priority, I was in high school. It feels very pure and good to focus on making myself better and improving my life for my own sake. It’s very much a feeling of sobriety, but from over-work and stress rather than substances. I feel whole for the first time in many years. I am truly living my best life.

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